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♧┢┦aΡｐy ✿◕‿◕✿doris-♡^_^♡2007/11/14 i hate myself i hate hate hate hate hate hate myself..
shit shit shit shit shit....dammit dammit dammit!!!!
just because of one small and silly mistake i made....all the things and plan changed...my life is changed now....
i hope this was a nightmare...i still can not accept this reality.....
why all bad things and bad luck happend to me?!
my future shoud be colourful and bright..but now....i m in the hell now...no people can rescue me...
i cry cry cry cry cry cry...keep crying..until tears dry..but still can not relieve my hurt
i cant sleep, cant eat...cant talk...just crying...
i drink drink drink....until drunk
i feel soooooooooooooooo sad, upset, depressed, helpless....
i never feel so scared and helpless....no people can help me...
i am freak up......i can not talk to anyone....
i feel sooooo lonely.
i m a dead person from now....no smile on my face anymore....no happiness to me anymore...
i am sorry and regret to myself, my parents, and friends...and all the people who care about me..
i let you down....
2007/10/31 近况原来自己那么久么更新了...埃.主要是这里生活极其无聊空虚到极点, 么萨号写的..本人也是懒到一定境界了...算了.应某人急切要求.报下流水账也好的...
这里的学习生活快接近尾声了..学习生涯中最后门考试结束了...以后再也么exam了!!爽...现在就剩个499了!!!!上次被批斗的差点么当场哭出来!!!不过随便怎么批斗好了..改了让我过久好了..偶要求发高额...学习生涯就这么要结束了..但是似乎一点都么兴奋感觉..因为找工作压力太大...
现在决定留在这个破地方...而且选择留在屯里.放弃去AUK了,,原因就不方便在这说了..当初有两个选择....这条路是我自己选的...希望自己选择了一条对的路..希望我的下半身生活因此而改变....希望能找到个工作...让我实习有点经验也好.即使没有钱..希望能成功申请到PR,....希望我所有愿望都能实现...怎么也不能辜负父母对我的希望阿..虽然说回去靠老妈关系随便找个mkt 工作简直就是 a piece of cake,但是就觉得自己萨competitive advantage也没有..太没面子了...拿个身份么回去也有个面子..还有么在和个老外在做点衣服的生意..这里有客户赚头不要太好噢...呵呵!
机票定了1/2回来..正好过年...好多同学都明天回家了..很能理解他们兴奋的心情...不过我是么萨感觉.可能因为8月回来过的关系把...
国内同学都找到自己满意的工作了.。。羡慕...还是上海最好!
好了.报告流水帐结束..
2007/07/13 god bless me!!! happy birthday to me!!今天生日，，昨天半夜收到妈妈发来祝我生日快乐的消息，感动的眼泪忍不注流下来，，寂寞的时候，真的发觉家才是最温暖的，父母才是唯一关心你爱你关注你的人！！家， 唯独在你身边！home, will only be by ur side! 电话里，妈妈说爸爸要去买一个蛋糕和妈妈两个人吃，替我过生日，那一刻，我的眼泪在眼眶里打转，但还是忍住了..
今天还收到某人的英文祝福和礼物，居然还有张生日卡！！呵呵，还是满感动的。。被人关心是种幸福。。
it has been long time that i havent renew my space....these days i really have bad luck!!!!!!!!!!any bad things happend to me!!...car window was broken, car tire was broken, ceil phone almost lost,,,,last week, my laptop is stolen!!!!! f-u-c-k!!!!! shit!!!!!i m really sad, angry and feel depressed!! laptop is my life!!!! i really dont know what i can do without laptop,,i fell so boring when stay home alone...my stomach still pain heavily every day!!!! it really make me sick!! sometime i really want to cry alone!!! this season is called loneliness! when feeling lonely, parents are the only people who love you, care about u, whom you can depemd on!! home is your warmest harbor!!!! and i really want to have a warm hug!!!but, i need to become tougher cuz life is full of frustration!!!. I can make all the thing through the rain, i can stand up once again on my own, and i know that i m strong enough to mend, and everytime i feel afarid, i will hold tighter to my faith!!
time pass quickly,, i will graduate at the end of this year..i decide to stay in NZ to look for job and get pr..in fact, i m afraid to be back SH cuz i will face huge pressure and competition is fierce when looking for job...i feel that i have no competitive..so i want to have some achievement and career here....now i have the objetive of my life,,,,,so, i will insist on my dream and hold tight to my faith!!!!
about my relationship,,,my Mr Right still not appear......in fact, i really want to find a bf who can take care of me when i m sick, who can company with me at the first time when i need him...a good guy is really hard to find now!!!!!!! so i m really worried abou this !!! i m thinking about,, can we have sex without love?? i think the answe shoud be yes...sometimes lonely will make u do wrong things..
i really miss SH!!! I miss my parents!!!! all of my friends!!! hope ur guys everything is good//////
sunday is my birthday/...Happy birthday to myself!!!!! i i wish to get ride of all bad things and bad luck!!!!! i want to have a new begining!!!!
i just received a e-card from one of my friend-Guqing!!!! i m soooooooooooooo moved!!!!! thank you so much!!! u are so sweet!!! we have not contact for such long time.....but you still remember my birthday and send my card each year!!!!! i m so moved and thank you from my heart!!! having a friend like u is my honour!!!
ps: quote from dee: " life is all of ups and downs and when u are at the buttom of ur life,it means u will get up again." thank u for ur blessing!!!
2007/05/02 抱怨一下～好久么上来了．．可恶的space终于好了，，，呼．．最近换了个part-time job，做的颇有感受，，cleaner，，没有做的时候千方百计要做．觉得轻松钱又多，真的做了又不想做了．．太无聊了．．哎．女人真是善变那，，
其实就是国内的清洁工．，饿，国内民工和下刚人做的事情，，难听点．就是钟点工．这里居然做这种事情，，当第一天擦马筒时，那种滋味真的不好受．．．我靠．．．就觉得自己低人一等，，好歹也个大学生．．居然做这种体力活．擦马同一刚．哼，，太郁闷了．．．想想同学什么都在上海老外office里上班了，，都和business打交道了，，自己却做这种事情．．实在是觉得不公平啊！在国内父母给我钱大概都不会做家务的人！！跑到这里居然会做这种事情啊！我自己都想不通！看来．真是环境嫩改变一个人的！！完全是两个当次嘛．．擦那，，，一个在天．，一个在地．．虽然说这里cleaner有钱人都会做的．也不会被别人看不起的．．但是怎么想还是郁闷的！还没时间吃饭．．只能每天带面包吃！吃的我要吐了！靠．．妈妈听了心疼死了．作捏死了，叫我这种钱还是不要赚了．饿．．所以我现在每天都安慰自己要有阿q精神，，告诉自己．．职业不分贵贱．．饿．．还有就是当减肥．哈哈！！想想有的钱赚就好了．．习惯就好了．．
再有一个月又能放假拉．．哈哈．．本来打算回家的．想想还是算了．．这个月要忙死了．．都是小组作业！麻烦死了 2007/03/08 给自己放几天假从上星期六到这星期２，我整整放了自己４天假．．导致我回来后完全没心思学习了！而且心情极度沉闷！哎．看来人真是不能放松的！心一散真的很难收回来了！
星期六和新来的一届再次去了tauranga beach, ．．少了丝惊讶．多了份熟悉...还记得去年这个时候．也是跟学校和同学来到这里．．．但是去年没有爬山，导致我们都留下了很大的遗憾．因为山上拍下的风景实在是很漂亮．．还记得那个时候．我和同学说我们下次一定还要再来．弥补着次遗憾，没想到这么一来就是一年．anyway.我们这次爬了山．只是爬到中路．几个女生都半途而废了．天也实在是热．．就剩下我和亲爱的sunny坚持爬了上去，只是我们最后也没坚持到底．．．这次我们去还碰上了个什么比赛．．beach上so 热闹．．人so 多．．．
周日又去了奥，妈妈的朋友在那．又碰巧是元宵节．所以打算去开开眼界．乡下人总算能进真正的城了！听妈妈朋友说这里元宵节比春节热闹．而且据说这次比去年搞的还大．．所以很好奇在国外的元宵节会是怎样．．结果到了park后我真的是惊讶了．．．完全出乎我意料之外！控制不住的兴奋啊！没想到场面会是如此的盛大！（大家可以看照片哦）我激动的不行！真是感觉在中国，，有一条全是中国特色的小吃街，树上挂满的灯笼，到处可见的中国特色，还有各种表演．．到了晚上，这个人多到不行．就和国内过年一样，小吃街人多到不能走，，晚上灯一开更是漂亮．．红色的灯笼布满整个公园．．．要是父母在就好了．这是唯一的遗憾．．所以决定下次一定要再来奥过元宵节．．我们这里乡下的hamilton，狗屁也没的．．
第二天又去了离奥不远的岛上．没想到妈妈的朋友在岛上的半山腰上有套自己的房子．．．第一次住在这种房子里．．感觉实在是太爽了！！！阳台上眺望下去就是美丽而平静的海和岛屿，，所以再次兴奋了几．．．这种感觉实在是太太太太好了．．以前在国内是想也不会想的，觉得那是有钱人才会有的房子．．．站着看着美丽的大海．．整个人都放松了．．什么烦恼都没有了．．心情超级好．．座着喝着红酒，看着大海．．更是别有番滋味．．要是能多待几天那该多好！如果将来，能和自己心爱的人有撞这样的房子．．那真是太幸福的事了！只是这个梦想．．太奢侈了．．或者和心爱的人住上几天也好的．．后来还去海滩游泳了．．，，整个海滩，就我们几个人．．晚上在阳台上bbq,喝着红酒，看着大海，看到了夕阳西下美丽的景色．．．这种待遇，真是第一次享受．．我真是住着不想回去了．．所以第二天离开的时候．真是依依不舍啊！！想到回去就要面对那么多烦恼的事．．．就不想回去！结果．回家后导致我的心情极度郁闷．一下子静了下来．．就觉得心理很不好受．．哎．．现在头疼的就是４99....恶梦即将开始....anywhere,,这次旅程很难忘．．．感叹也很羡慕老外实在是会享受生活，居然花一年时间自己造了这撞房子．．在中国人眼里．实在是难以想象．．所以从这点上我还是比较欣赏老外的生活态度．．．享受人生．．
2007/02/16 我要过年！前天情人节．．今天考试又是小年夜．．后天就过年了．．．考试结束．．．可是我却困的要死．．好久没舒服睡觉到自然醒了．．．summer就这么结束了一刚．．真神奇．．．总算能够放松下了．．这个２５１summer读真不个算．搞的像以前３９１一样的．天天meeting...现在恶梦总算告一段落．．现在好想大睡一觉啊．．可是还要打工呢．．哎．．为了那几个可怜的钱，，为了自己赚点可怜的生活费．．
今年情人节．算是我们过来正式一年了．．这个日子太特殊了．不得不记住．．感觉自己过来好久了．．可是怎么才一年了．．哎．．第一次没有在中国和家人们一起过年．．．真的是第一次．．以前其他节日不过没关系．．但是这个春节．真的是想在国内过呀！现在国内过年气氛一定很热闹了．．真是怀念和羡慕呀！以前在国内觉得年年都如此么意思．．现在在这里一个人．．就想很多人在一起．很热闹的感觉．．我要过年！！！alice昨晚居然回国了一刚．．回去两星期．．我超级惊讶加没想法．这个女人为了男人啊．．爱情的力量是伟大呀．．不过真实羡慕她．能回去过年．．自己现在好象有点不理解的说．．想不通．．大概自己不在恋爱中把．哈．．据说回来时候男人就陪她一起回来了．．估计她会是我同学中第一个结婚的人了．ha..看来我要有点爱情的滋润了．．哎．可是where is my Mr Right?? who can tell me? i m still waiting and finding...
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